Polish divorce

A Polish man moved from Poland to the US and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: Have you any grounds?

The Polish man said: Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.

Said the lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It is made of concrete.

Lawyer: I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

Lawyer: I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have a hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.

Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?

No, I am always up before her.

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?

No, she’s white.

Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?

She is going to kill me.

Lawyer: A What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She is going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says: Polish Remover.